I feel bad for him and i know i hurt him more than he deserves, but honestly its the illness thats made me so terrible. It’s not that he wants me to go back to aus right now or anything or that he wants me to be something or someone im not truly deep down. After all he loves me for me and who i am, my weird ways and little habits i have, all the things that make me his and him mine as well. It’s just that now he’s busy with uni and other stuff.. he’s coping this year with our distance in his own way and sometimes it hurts me but i get over it and do not blame him at all. we are strong, we’ve been strong for 4 years and we’ll continue to be strong through our love.
gah thank you so much >.< today was just so terrible and all these sorts of messages really help me to level my emotions so it means alot to me! you have a wonderful day!
oh yes! i’ll force you to do all things organic and eating organicky type stuff with me, but i’ll force you in a really nice way and you wont be able to refuse me because queen of puppy eyes
trigger warning dont read if you are triggered by b/p
Thanks guys for the replies! it really strengthens my mind with doing this recovery with as much help as i can get for the two months. @edtreatmentproblems i’d do full inpatient but i really really need to get some school stuff/meetings done first an my time is so limited in australia, so much so that i can not even do a proper alloted time for inpatient even if thats the best thing it seems. I really just have to keep strong after the whole process i guess. Im sort of terrified of it to be honest though >.<, im not even sure if ill be doing either to be frank as well because my living situation isnt even organised yet or my school or where i’ll be for the full 2 months (either adelaide or melbourne or back and forth) so everything is a big big mess and its stupid because i only have less than 2 weeks before im back. Heck this is hectic and im scared O.O wow im so overwhelmed
Lunch- a ceasar salad with grilled prawns at simply life bakery in taikoo hui.
Today we met with my aunts friends daughters who were really forced by their father to go out to lunch with my aunt and i. Oddly he sort of forced my aunt into it as well, or rather begged/tried to convince her really hard to. His eldest daughter is beginning to argue with him a lot due to a new boyfriend, arguments are also involving financial issues his boyfriend is having and trying to take advantage of her wealthy father for. Prior to the arguments the eldest daughter had a really weird relationship with her father where she still had to hold his hand when crossing the road, fed him sometimes when out publicly to dinner (mind you she’s 22) and was clingy in general which at times put my aunt off.
The younger daughter who’s 13 has legal issues that are making her not able to attend school, and she doesn’t have any friends really, spending most of her day at home online according to her dad. Basically the guy wanted me to befriend his youngest daughter and take her out a lot and my aunt to persuade the eldest to break up with her boyfriend. Neither of which my aunt or i intend to really do, but lunch and a nice sorta? normal chat was still very lovely! i think..
I did find out from the eldest that she literally wants to kill the youngest daughter. Apparently her mother and father divorced but remarried because her father wanted a son real bad, instead a daughter was born, sadly the mother got cancer. Treatment for the cancer lasted 10 years before the mother passed away, during the time the father and mother were always arguing, the youngest daughter was always being beaten or abused by her sister because the eldest believed her birth caused the cancer and a ruined family.
The youngest now keeps being told by the eldest she’s fat, even at lunch today “oh you should eat less piggy” ect. IT INFURIATED ME TO THE EXTENT I HAD NO WORDS (and i talk ALOT)
I really struggled with this meal (partially because of the fat comments from the eldest to the youngest and being really upset with the whole thing in general) and found i sort of just ate the lettuce with the least dressing and one grilled prawn. It’s silly and sad and stupi and and.. ARG i know, but my hearts been racing all day and i’ve felt this utmost inability to concentrate or even feel “okay” with myself. I’ve this major anxiety and i’ve held off crying all day.
how have you guys been today? what’d you have for lunch?
so my plane ticket to australia has been booked for the 12th of august. I really can’t do this whole recovery without seeking porffesional help now that im older. Each year that goes by it really gets harder for me, so im thinking of doing outpatient whilst i get my school in order and settle in australia then inpatient before leaving for china again (ill be in australia for 2 months MAXIUMUM)
what do ya’ll think? how is outpatient and is it very helpful in the long run?
this is possibly the cutest thing i have ever seen
If I follow you, yes, I care about your garden, what your cat did today, the jewelry you made, that one friend who said the thing, i like your sense of humor, and also your selfies.
Ice princess? Haha thank you but I’m pretty 5/10 I think
This just doesn’t feel like you anymore.. Where’s the care and passionate love, you don’t know it but some time ago it started to dissipate. It hurts, I love you and it hurts.